Monday, September 25, 2006

Some People Never Go Crazy

Some people never go crazy, says Charlie Bukowski. What truly horrible lives they must live.

Me, I go crazy all the time. Ask anyone. This last 7 days I have been raving. Awake all night, almost, and peering myopically through a blinding headache all day. No appetite. Just the desire for beer. This last two days I haven't even been able to work. Felt too sick and dizzy every time I went outside. So I've stayed in with the curtains drawn and watched tv all day. Let my beard grow for the first time in a year. Tried to sleep whenever I could to catch up on what I'd lost. It's been like the 1980s condensed into 48 hours.

What's it all about? I have no idea. I can't be bothered to speculate either. I've needed to die these little, temporary deaths all my life so I could survive the rest of it without choking on the nausea.

The only light in all this crazy darkness has been the positive response of an old friend who I contacted yesterday, wondering if we might be able to patch up a friendship damaged long ago. The jury is out on that, but it felt good to be emailing her. Showed that not all is madness, and destruction, and wreckage--though there was a fair bit of that in our shared past.

I'm hoping that after hiding out like a wounded animal this last couple of days I will be reborn as a human being tomorrow. I will let you know whether that happens.


domestic empire said...

Sorry to hear of your present state but, hey welcome to the club.

Apparently I've been missing out on your posts for several days due to the the old pre-beta feed dying on its arse. Seems to be another beta.blogger quirk. Grabbed the feed from here and it's ok now. There might be others wondering why no posts since Thursday? Oh well they call it beta for a reason.

Hope you climb out of your hole soon old chap. Remember there's plenty of people around to annoy with your problems so don't isolate yourself too much - though I should perhaps listen to my own advice.

Bruce Hodder said...

This thing with beta is getting annoying, DE. I've had other people tell me they still can't post across the two versions of Blogger either. Perhaps I should make good on my threat to contact Blogger and get it sorted out rather than sit around on my arse feeling sorry for myself. The comments, after all, are an integral part of Suffolk Punch. If it were just me and my ramblings even I would get bored of it.

I had a big argument with somebody last night so that should help me get out of the hole today! Don't know about you, DE, but nothing pleases me more sometimes than having a good fight...(I am so not the reincarnation of Gandhi I sometimes try to be). (BRUCE)

domestic empire said...

The easiest option I would have thought would be to go back to the old pre-beta version - if that's an option.

I only fight with words, which I think is what you're saying too. Not that I ever go looking for trouble, but I find most people can be slayed rather easily by the tongue alone. Though I don't need to lecture you on the power of language.

Let me know if you need any help with Bodger, I mean Blogger - always happy to help :)

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