Sunday, September 17, 2006

Honesty

It seems to me that honesty is the best way to climb out of any existential hole you find yourself in. If you don't tell people how you think and feel, they'll interpret your actions using their own thoughts and feelings as their criteria. And then you'll be misunderstood.

But you've got to be honest with yourself too. You might feel one way, but actually be another way entirely. Most of us ascribe the highest motivation to ourselves and the lowest motivation to everyone else. But am I really an unappreciated saint? No, I'm an insecure, overgrown baby with a tendency to be fantastically arrogant. Might that just have a little something to do with the collapse of all my previous relationships?

Hmm, let me think.

8 comments:

Bobby said...

I don't know if my inability to be completely honest is because of my weaknesses or my desire to punish myself or shut myself in.

Bruce Hodder said...

I struggle all the time to be honest with other people about how I feel. I don't know why. Lack of trust? Lack of understanding of how other people work? A defective emotional chip? Maybe a bit of all of the preceding? Maybe even the fear of letting go of my pain because to accept happiness is to go walking in an unknown country where the rules aren't understood?

domestic empire said...

I've learned that there is a distinct difference between being honest and giving too much away. I will always veer toward the side of honesty because I think that way lies proper evolution, knowledge and understanding. That said I think nothing of lying to get what I want in order to survive. The latter, a valuable lesson learned long ago from the female of the species.

Janey... said...

What exactly is honesty anyway...Isn't it an illusion when you strip away all of the pollyanna intent??? Honesty is simply perception...and isn't perception always ever changing??? Change means growth...And with every change...it doesn't necessarily mean you are any less honest than the day before...
I can deem you an honest person one day and a dishonest one the next...even though you've done nothing different...so who really cares whether another deems you to be honest?

It's an ongoing office chuckle at work because my ongoing mantra of life is, "TRUST NO ONE." And although my outlook on the world is through tainted cynical lenses...no one can really fault me since time and time again...I am proven correct...I don't much care what other people think of me or my choices I make for myself...ultimately...only I need to live with them...and it is my own "honesty" with myself(or rather my perception of myself)that inflicts things like guilt, an occasional vacuum of self-loathing and unforgiving regret...All of those things may have some larger purpose however I've not found them to be a catalyst for growth...in fact,just the opposite...they are toxic...

My ultimate honesty in the mirror??? Trust No One...including myself...to think I have all the right answers is a downright dishonest lie...

bruce said...

Remember the Dylan song "Trust Yourself"? He says, "Trust yourself/ And you won't be disappointed/ When vain people let you down." But how can you trust yourself? I don't. I have let myself and everybody else down so many times the best I can do is tell people in advance I am a crazy person and then hope for the best.

Dylan again: "Don't trust me/ To show you the Truth/ When the Truth/ May only be ashes and dust." Well, now we're getting somewhere! All we really have is each other...all the big arguments and higher principles make war, famine, nastiness anyway, and aren't we all just scared lonely tender children anyway, waiting in the darkness for death to come? Might as well hold the hand of the person who looks the nicest, even if they do slip the ring off your finger and run away sniggering. They, after all, are taking the same leap of faith by reaching out for yours...

Your "trust no one" mantra is interesting, for someone who has given as much back to society as you have, Janey, through your efforts in New Orleans etc. etc...

Janey... said...

>>and aren't we all just scared lonely tender children anyway, waiting in the darkness for death to come? <<

I often wonder if other people feel this way...and if so, how often? Do you think well adjusted, secure adults outgrow this feeling???

Janey... said...

>>Your "trust no one" mantra is interesting, for someone who has given as much back to society as you have, Janey, through your efforts in New Orleans etc. etc...<<

New Orleans is a perfect example of why I trust no one...........
Look how many thousands of people were trapped like rats on a sinking ship because they trusted their government...their leaders...the people who promised to take care of them...and look at what happened...look what is still happening...Our so called leaders continue to manipulate, lie, and blame the citizens of N.O. They have since misappropriated billions of dollars while people still wait for one of those FEMA trailers that are rotting in some field somewhere...Trust them? Never.

And then there's what I see from day to day at work...Who should be trusted the most in the world...? The President? Nah...
Teachers??? Nah...
Clergy??? Nah...
Parents??? Well, yeah...they should be the ones their children should trust the most...Tell me...how can the ones given the most trust betray that by burning, starving, raping, beating, and selling their children???

TRUST NO ONE...

Bruce Hodder said...

I remember saying once that no one had ever let me down because I never expected anything from anyone in the first place. But I lied. I expect more than I have a right to from everyone. Everyone I know, actually, is charged with the responsibility of saving me. And because they can't, they all eventually seem to let me down. They disappoint me.

And when I'm through being disappointed with them, I start missing them terribly.