Friday, September 08, 2006

Good Times And Lonesome Blues

Fits of strangeness continue--emotional weather squally to storm-tossed. But when the sun shines through the rain, the views are wonderful. And good things are coming to me by the day. L. nurtures and guides me despite my peculiarity, and the occasional tantrum I throw her way: without her I never would have been able to understand what is really happening to me, nor see the way out of the labyrinth up to the stars. C., despite his superior sexual magnetism, is the twin I never had. My daughter texts me every other day, and last night out of the blue I heard from someone else, a woman I used to work with but haven't seen since she left the job, a beautiful brilliant girl with a degree who worked under me for a while and with whom I used to have good meaty conversations--I didn't expect to hear from her again, but there she was texting me in the middle of the night telling me about her new job. We are going for a coffee in a couple of weeks. And you would have to know my whole sordid history to know how much it delights me when I get an email or an S.P. comment from a member of the Hodder clan.

From living in a people-less vaccuum I am now in the wonderful situation of having good friendly contact with a growing number of people. Which makes my occasional feeling of bottomless loneliness all the harder to fathom, but there you go. There are other reasons why that feeling may come to bite my arse so often, and they are being dealt with. I got a crucifix hanging from my ceiling that says the soul-gnawing lonesome blues aren't going to beat this boy.

2 comments:

Janey... said...

Okay Bruce...
Who keeps running off with your posts...I could have sworn I read a couple others on the fly while at work today and returned to comment but poof* They are MIA...

Bruce Hodder said...

I delete them sometimes because I'm not happy with the way they come over: too crazy, or too desperate etc. etc. I like the posts to be honest and truthful, but when I'm in a few of the strange places I visit one moment's honesty can be another moment's "What the hell were you thinking crazy boy?"

Like the above post, which is a lighter rephrasing of one that occupied the same space earlier. I had a nice evening with friends between the posting of the first and second versions and the time spent with them lightened my perspective.