Friday, September 29, 2006

Loyalty

Ah, loyalty! As if to illustrate in a more direct fashion to me how wrong I had been to write about ---- when we had our problems (though I'd already come to realise that), I found out last night that my former friend ---- (this is a different person, by the way!!), after we had a huge text-fight on Monday night, has been telling everybody at my old job, including my former manager, what a psychotic, evil, destructive bastard I am, while also portraying my intentions in our erstwhile and entirely platonic friendship in a highly inaccurate light. Which would be bad enough, but I still work for the same company, though I've moved to another branch of the business. Hmm. I hope people take what they hear with a block of salt. I feel very self-righteously wounded about it, to tell you all the truth, but since I have done worse in the recent past, and on the internet of all places, and with a lover rather than a friend (which is an even worse violation), I can't really complain.

Perhaps my karmic debt in the matter of violated loyalty is repaid now?

2 comments:

Janey... said...

Bruce...

Ultimately this has to do with how YOU perceive how you are handling your past relationship...and has nothing to do with the view from the sidelines...

I just don't see the two situations the same way...Maybe there are friends of yours who know the person you speak of and are reading your blog...I guess that would change the scenery...But from my sideline...I don't know the person you speak of, I don't even know her name...and there's been nothing abhorrent or shocking about any of the thoughts you've written about your relationship...
I see that VASTLY different than the person who in your life is spreading crap about you to people you work with and for(or did)...

Sometimes the internet feels like you're broadcasting from the rooftops with a megaphone...but at the same time...there's also huge anonymity...

Bruce Hodder said...

Well, yes, I told people I know face to face hardly anything about my ex when we broke up, even though I probably said too much in the more anonymous internet. Plus I was trying to understand something rather than reacting on a wave of anger to an argument and deliberately setting out to screw her reputation.

Also when I discuss my relationships (and in the case of the latter woman) friendships and how they go wrong, I try to be as honest as possible about my part in it. I know how unreasonable and selfish and obsessive I can be. She has portrayed herself as a victim of my wild mood swings and destructive tongue and said nothing at all about what she might have done to inspire my excesses (and you notice I say "inspire" rather than "justify"). I wouldn't want to be permanently pitied as someone who is done to rather than someone who does.