Aren't some of the statements on this blog pretty odd, coming as they do from a professed Buddhist? What's all this business about the Devil? Wherefore all this God and rowboats stuff?
Well, of course, Buddhism has its own Devil. He's called Mara and while Buddha was sitting under his tree looking for the Answer, Mara tempted him in textbook Old Nick style--albeit this was a few hundred years before Christ's went toe-to-toe with Satan in the desert, so if it was a copycat temptation and not the work of the same Underworld hoodlum, Satan must have copied Mara.
But anyway. I have called myself a Buddhist without ever really delving into it deeply enough to wear the label with any legitimacy. But there were always questions. Like did I really believe in karma, or was I just attracted to it intellectually? (Which I definitely am: I love the idea that, as Kerouac would say,"the universe takes care of its own evil.")
There were questions. And always, at the back of my mind, a yearning for the God I believed in as a child: the loving, forgiving, all-wise Father in whose arms I could sink, at last, and let go of all my pain and grief. A few years ago I even had a vision of God in a dream that was more intense than any living experience I'd had up to that point, and I woke up weeping.
So do I believe in God again? Have I recovered my Christian faith and abandoned my Buddhism? I dunno. "Recovered my faith" and "abandoned my Buddhism" are such grand words to describe what is really only a slight shift in the thinking of one tiny mortal speck in an infinite universe.
And where has it shifted? I dunno that either. I don't want to put labels on it anymore--that's just a sign of intellectual arrogance, and I'd really like to lose that side of me. It's also limiting. Can the truth, whatever the truth might be, fit into a handy-sized box for me to carry around under my arm and show to friends? Maybe everything I've ever thought or believed is one fragment of the truth, and the whole thing is too enormous and other-worldly for anybody to see and understand.