Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Last Thoughts On The Christian

There's nothing to be gained from going over what happened with the Christian again and again. Aside from the fact that it's getting boring, it doesn't get me any closer to the truth. Every day just brings a new rationalisation, a new self-justification. I'm not into that. Well, I am, but I don't want to be. I could prove categorically that she was responsible for global warming and the upsurge in knife crime if you gave me long enough, but it wouldn't be true.

There was probably an element of truth in everything she said when she started blackening my name all over town. I do have violent mood swings, and I did become over dependent on her. I could give you reasons for that but a fact is a fact, whatever creates it. Towards the end when I was getting very depressed I must have felt like an iron ball chained around her ankle. I was also attracted to her. She knew it and I knew it. She just read more into it than there was, and then exaggerated it rather dramatically for her audience (like I've never done that). But she wasn't a fantasist who plucked the idea out of nothing.

It's time to dispense with the bullshit and get to the reality. I'm sad about what happened even if I'm glad I came back to myself, eventually. But there's nothing I can do about it now. So move on. Another strange chapter, done.

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