Saturday, January 19, 2008

TV? Me? No Way, Jose

I am having a paper war with the TV Licensing chaps. You know, those people who go around collecting £135 per household on behalf of the government so that we can have the privilege of watching the sainted BBC, supposed upholder of all the stout traditional values that once made this country ruler of the waves.

You see, I have a television, but I only use it for watching dvds. I can't actually get a tv signal in the Lookout. I was rather perturbed by this when I moved in last March,and made a nuisance of myself complaining about it to the Estate Agent who act on behalf of my landlady. But after a while, when nothing was done to remedy the situation, I thought, "Do I really care anyway? Am I missing that much?"

Only live football (and you can get that down the pub). Most good television, in my humble you-know-what, disappeared from British tv screens a long time ago. So I decided, though with the inaction of my Estate Agent I probably didn't have much choice, that I wasn't going to bother with television anymore and save myself the £135 for things that would enrich my life much more. Like books, and music, and the occasional bottle of wine.

But try telling that to TV Licensing. I've tried. Twice. And after both letters of explanation from me they've sent a further unpleasant and threatening missive telling me, in effect, that if I don't get a license immediately, they'll send the boys round.

Fine, I told them in my latest letter. Come round. I'll make you a cup of tea. I'll even go out and buy sugar for it (I don't take sugar personally). You could be in the Lookout for an hour and you'd still find no evidence that I watch television. But please stop ignoring the letters of explanation you have asked me to write. It's costing me a fortune (well, a few coins) in stamps and paper, and the bullying tone of your communications really aggravates me.

Is it so inconceivable, in the modern age, that somebody should choose not to spend half of their free time in front of a glowing box in the corner of their living room watching crap while the better part of their lives go by? Perhaps it is, given what a conformist society we live in. But I am somebody who has made that choice. As psychologically damaging as it seems to be for the people at TV Licensing to "take that on board", as the saying goes, I wish they'd deal with it and leave me alone.

7 comments:

Holly said...

We had the same problem when my grandfather was in a nursing home and his house was laying empty.

He had a tv but for Pete's sake he couldn't very well watch it if he was in a nursing home far away.

I think the licensing board came to their senses at some stage before he passed away.

Anonymous said...

According to the TV Licensing web site, you are legally entitled to do what you are doing without a license, once you have written to them explaining your circumstances. They may request to visit you first though, and reading between the lines, if you don't let them in you can stump up the fee instead. I cannot understand why these people have been given the power to insist on entering the property of people who do not conform to the norm, just so the BBC can waste our money on more shite soap operas. And they call this a free country?
By the way, I went through Wilby the other day. Guess what? The old place you used to rent is still up for sale! That'll teach the greedy bastard who thought he'd get you out and make a fortune selling it! I don't know how much you were paying a month, but he must be several thousand quid down by now. That's got to cheer you up, surely!

Simon

Bruce Hodder said...

Simes,

Yeah, that does cheer me up. 10 months at $500 per month, eh? And I would gladly have still been there, because I really liked the place.

It staggers me the BBC is still allowed to extort $135 per household from every home in the country to produce what is, as you say, shite...To get access to the arts channels that were supposed to embody the Reithian values about "informing and educating" or whatever it was you have to pay more! This IS supposed to be a free country. It's also supposed to be a country that runs economically on competition. So how come the BBC doesn't have to compete with anybody. I say it should. It wouldn't bring the standards down as BBC lovers fear. They're so low already live murder or bestiality would be the only possibilities for a further slump.

Bruce Hodder said...

Holl,
Blimey, I didn't know they had a tv licensing system in your part of the world.
The last thing you needed with your grandad in a nursing home was having to deal with that kind of bureaucratic bullshit.

Holly said...

No lol, you forget that my family are immigrants from Scotland. This was in Scotland where my Grandfather had a wee visit from the licensing people.

Bruce Hodder said...

A wee visit.

Well, they haven't paid me a visit yet. But my keen sense of paranoia has certainly gone to a higher level. Every time I look out of the window and see a van I don't recognise sitting in the car park on the Square I imagine vengeful impotent little men inside analysing data from their detecting equipment. And I turn everything off. Which is odd, because I'm not even watching tv programmes; I'm watching dvds. It's great to live in a competition-based free country.

Holly said...

And it's great someone is as paranoid as I :)

bless you