Nothing Works

So many things
That we never will undo
I know you're sorry
I'm sorry too
~ Bob Dylan "Mississippi"

The above-quoted Mr. Zimmerman, an authority on most things in my book, said looking for happiness was "a yuppie concept"--like, in my interpretation of his words, the belief that you would eventually have the perfect car or a salary befitting your brilliance. According to Bob, we should just carry on with whatever we have to do and accept whatever degree of pain or pleasure comes our way.

This isn't an easy attitude to foster in yourself, but it makes sense. Certainly my own sadness or depression,whatever you want to call it--perhaps we shouldn't give our moods clinical names quite so easily--comes a lot of the time from remembering how things used to be, or imagining how they could be.

The only problem I really have with the way things actually are is that I don't have enough female company. But getting bugged about it isn't going to help, and seeking out some mockery of the sort of female company I want isn't going to help either. I've been down that road before. It just makes you feel more alienated.

Yesterday I lay on my couch (the beat philosopher's throne), and wondered how many years of my life I'd spent in the same position on other couches and beds in other places waiting for enough understanding to dawn on me so I didn't wreck whatever shot at happiness I might have one day. I am not old yet but I'm nearly there. With this beard hair growing on my face I look about 60. Someday soon time's just going to run out.

But what can you do? As my Uncle Richard said at my mother's funeral Nothing works. In the light of that are you going to spend your short life mourning the shortness of your life?