I was speaking to a guy I know today and happened to mention my problem with insomnia. Turns out this guy has it too. It's amazing what you find in common with others when you start being honest about yourself.
My insomnia is sporadic, but when it hits it's severe. Two nights ago I slept for maybe three hours in total. Took me more than an hour to get to sleep in the first place and then I kept waking up every 45 minutes to an hour and laying awake for long periods increasingly frustrated by inability to get back to sleep. At those times each tick of the clock on the wall sounded like a little bomb going off in my brain.
I don't know why I can't sleep. I have too much that I am annoyed by, upset by, doubtful about--that's probably it. There are too many questions, and on some level I'm always working away at them, trying to get an answer. Which sounds incredibly stupid, but you don't do it because you want to. It makes you feel awful the following day: sick (in the sense of vomit), forgetful, cranky (just ask the people I work with)...everything becomes a trial.
Still, if life were easy it wouldn't be any fun, right?
1 comment:
I have a sneaky feeling that modern life is really screwing us up, haven't you? In my circle, if you include acquaintances as well as close friends, I know one insomniac, two clinical depressives, one who's screwed up because her mother abandoned her, at least one alcoholic, several in dysfunctional relationships, and--if you count drug addiction as a sign of some kind of malaise--many smokers and a few pill poppers. And those are just the ones I know about. What's happening?
But the mountaintop ain't no solution. I've tried it.We are a product of this neurotic age and we have to deal with it as best we can.
You seem to have found a level on which you can function nicely. On four hours sleep I am a physical and mental cripple,and I will get into a fight with the first person who crosses me (not a physical one, I'm a coward).Perhaps insomnia is like the bottle, and it just uncorks the person you really are inside. Now there's a thought.
Post a Comment