It seems to me that honesty is the best way to climb out of any existential hole you find yourself in. If you don't tell people how you think and feel, they'll interpret your actions using their own thoughts and feelings as their criteria. And then you'll be misunderstood.
But you've got to be honest with yourself too. You might feel one way, but actually be another way entirely. Most of us ascribe the highest motivation to ourselves and the lowest motivation to everyone else. But am I really an unappreciated saint? No, I'm an insecure, overgrown baby with a tendency to be fantastically arrogant. Might that just have a little something to do with the collapse of all my previous relationships?
Hmm, let me think.
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I don't know if my inability to be completely honest is because of my weaknesses or my desire to punish myself or shut myself in.
I struggle all the time to be honest with other people about how I feel. I don't know why. Lack of trust? Lack of understanding of how other people work? A defective emotional chip? Maybe a bit of all of the preceding? Maybe even the fear of letting go of my pain because to accept happiness is to go walking in an unknown country where the rules aren't understood?
I've learned that there is a distinct difference between being honest and giving too much away. I will always veer toward the side of honesty because I think that way lies proper evolution, knowledge and understanding. That said I think nothing of lying to get what I want in order to survive. The latter, a valuable lesson learned long ago from the female of the species.
I remember saying once that no one had ever let me down because I never expected anything from anyone in the first place. But I lied. I expect more than I have a right to from everyone. Everyone I know, actually, is charged with the responsibility of saving me. And because they can't, they all eventually seem to let me down. They disappoint me.
And when I'm through being disappointed with them, I start missing them terribly.
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